Inside Out: The Scoop on Kellogg's Fiber Plus Antioxidant Bars

http://www.kelloggsfiberplus.com/

They lend a whole new meaning to consumer confidence.

How did I discover these treats? Most inadvertently.

I was backed up with work. Work, I said. And, I thought a chocolatey snack might get me through the stretch. But, I must admit, I had just completed a diet and was perhaps seeking relief from fasting and a little work anxiety.

Good intentions paved the road. I headed for...Sam's Club, home of the econo-family sized boxes. My primary intention was Asian stir fry vegetables and tilapia. And maybe some trail mix to keep close by as I grind through some long hours. Hmmm, no trail mix on this aisle, but lots of granola bar options and I noticed one that looked inviting - a photo of a chocolate and caramel cluster on a dark brown background and the word 'antioxidants' registered. I thought to myself how manipulative these companies are about adorning their packaging with health tags to license consumers to committing to their impulses. Like when the candy corn bag brags about being 'a fat free snack'.

How I didn't notice the 'Fiber Plus' part of the packaging is just out of the realm of my conscious acknowledgment and within the scope of dismissing a glimmering healthy attribute such that I just blocked it entirely. On the way home I reached back and heaved the suitcase of snack bars to the front seat and began sampling. My choices from the four smaller boxes contained within included dark chocolate almond and chocolate chip. I usually go for cashews or maybe dried fruit, though if I do indulge I don't mess around much with snack bars. On occasion I will head for the Tolberone and that's that, but I know chocolate is not the thing to tamper with, regardless of the hype. So, my expectations were low and somewhat mitigated by the flimsy rationalization of having chosen a healthy alternative.

But, much to my surprise, this was not the average chewy granola bar. This was a brilliant confection, and of a design that would permit furious consumption due to its startlingly light composition. It was like eating a high-end composite tennis racket covered in chocolate and caramel. No impact and such a seemingly impossible marriage of flavor with a most pleasant texture. Usually such a decadent combination would only allow for just a few bites due to the sheer richness, but this configuration seduces much in the same way that a paper mache boulder might delight a child to swagger around in the role of a giant threatening to destroy an imaginary city. Like when I was about seven years old and I saw that Stride Rite Zips commercial that showed kids jumping over trees and I believed that they would make me run faster, I had found a sixth gear in these snack bars, and I wanted to see what I could do. These...Fiber Plus bars.

After the first day I had consumed two of the four boxes. More accurately, within the short span of a few hours of the first day. Despite my remarkable reaction, I repeated the same consumption the next day with the same results, perhaps by this point seeking confirmation that it was the food causing my seismology and not the worry. Note, however, that one bar remains, representative of a point at which the goldfish acknowledged out of self preservation a threshold for yielding to caution.

I was curious enough by the end of the second day to return to the packaging to search for clues about what I had consumed. And that's when 'Fiber Plus' sang out its name to me, and the doors of enlightenment opened. And I'm not going to bore anyone with trite jests about doors opening or about starting my own Cash for Clunkers / Clunk in the Trunk or what not. But I will attest to the effectiveness of this fiber product, and that I specifically sought out a warning label as I scoured the packaging and read the ingredients. Chicory root fiber, rolled oats, crisp rice, etc. 35% of your daily fiber per bar, each box containing 5 bars, and I ate two boxes each day. Again, I thought surely a warning label might be found, and in a small yellow rectangle it doth read: 'NEW USERS: Increase your fiber intake gradually. Gastrointestinal discomfort may occur until your body adjusts.'

Remember that old skit on Saturday Night Live about Colon Blo?

What exactly did I experience? Well, ask my roommate, a programmer whose contract had just abruptly ended after only staying with me for a month, and had just announced that he would be returning to his home town of Dallas, TX. I made no attempt to muffle or dampen the acoustics out of any consideration or modesty and attended to my new fascination with complete disregard. For a moment, however, I began to speculate whether my nervous neighbor might think to call the police.

Suffice to say that I was simply beside myself. And I also noticed that my nose kept running. Whew, for a moment I thought it might be blood! Likely an expectorant effect of the chocolate. This morning I'm hearing the theme song from the Greatest American Hero. Follow up a fast with a case of Fiber Plus and you will advance human evolution.

New 'users'? One doesn't think to 'administer' a snack, although that is the correct way to think about food, isn't it? Afterall, a snack is what a person eats to extend energy or maybe to keep metabolism moving. And my intention was to cook a meal and get a balanced eating plan in order again after fasting. But the 'snack' kept on with no apparent impact on my appetite. Since I hadn't eaten a proper meal either day, I did wise up long enough to fix something more substantial later in the evening. Did I mention how good and healthy Amy's burritos are? Mmmm. Black bean and rice non-dairy, Indian spinach and tofu, Southwestern. Three or four usually do the trick:


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