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"I know, right?"
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=i+know%2C+right%3F
This phrase has been whittling me down to my last ganglion and I finally had to search and confirm that I'm not the only one to notice. That's how out of the loop I am. I mentioned it to some friends the other day who looked at me with slight concern, and I suspect that they are not likely around the same generation or demographic of idiots as myself.
For those of you who embrace this phrase, please correct your reflex before it spreads any further. For me, it renders the user into a caricature that falls somewhere between the McKenzie brothers' "Great day, eh?" and Jeff Spicoli's "I'm so wasted!", yet the intention seems to carry an attempt to associate with a more elite crowd who believes themselves to be in the know. 'Who knew?' I guess that would be the 'hipster'. That's who knows. Knows to say 'who knew'. As Ken Nordine describes the atheist who publicly humiliates a small town preacher with his 'sparkling wit and his shallow understanding'.
But in the case of adorning oneself with a plumage of memes, there is only the pretense of wit to camouflage the complete absence of originality or processing. I doubt many of the kids who embrace 'sagging' were deliberately seeking to associate themselves with criminals.
Maybe it's a little worse in the South, where people sometimes overcompensate by dissociating themselves, neutralizing their southern accents or even taking on regional affectations. But, I can recall a blatant instance of such dissociation between two coworkers who were both from Chicago.
I believe the phrase to be akin to "Well, that's right", a slightly lesser offense often committed by NPR reporters as the host introduces the story and the correspondent picks up with the details with a tone of self-assured authority. It is here that I believe we begin to approach one popular habitat of the meme pond.
But, there are many, many such environments that I have thought would likely come to screeching halts should someone impose penalties or threats of revoking their language licenses should they commit certain memetic offenses. In fact, I sent myself a brief email back around 2007 that I believe is an update from previous years, noting specific phrases that I wish to flag, daring the meme-ridden, jargon-saddled appropriators to restrain themselves. I have found that overuse of 'frankly' and 'caveat' will bore into flesh at an alarming rate. Surely, we all know someone who clings desperately to 'at the end of the day' like a hyena gnawing on a picked over carcass.
And describing anyything as 'delicious' has gotten completely out of hand, especially as a way of projecting one's appreciation for intellectual pursuits. It makes me feel like I'm listening to a displaced obscene phone caller.
Few these days are so brazen as to say 'Thus, or 'thusly', but why hold back? Newscasters and politicians being so incestuous, make use of the same limited arsenal which has included 'transparency', 'an historic', and 'holed up in a...(mosque, the office, the public restroom stall, etc.). I feel redeemed to verify a few of these irksome phrases as I write these thoughts. When speaking of India for example, a reporter will often replace the next reference to India with 'that country'.
'As for Iran, Mr. Powell said he doesn't think "the stars are lining up" for an attack on that country's known or suspected nuclear sites.'
(Extracted from an article in the Washington Times.)
I understand and appreciate variety in language, but how about a little variety in treatment? Because these people use this same damn convention every time and after a while of listening, I feel like I'm in the checkout line at the grocery store. Affirmative, I found everything I need.
Regarding 'an historic', the first link below states that as of 2008, 'an historic' is used by 30% of online writers compared to 'a historic', and that while 'an historic' is less common, both are correct.
The second link states that the 'question highlights a difference between American and British usage--though even British usage is moving away from using an in such phrases...'
Oh, I see. Trying to sound British, who also also refer to 'an regular guy'. Maybe this explains why 'an historic' strikes me more as needing to distinguish oneself or lunging for a heightened sense of importance. I know I heard George W. do it at least once. Anyone who has ever been accused of being 'a idiot' knows my frustration. Like mispronouncing 'especially' as 'ekspecially', while somehow gaining momentum as being an improvement upon language.
The second link offers great reference:
In Sleeping Dogs Don't Lay,* Richard Lederer and Richard Dowis are quite dogmatic about whether or not one should use an before such words as historic and historical:
an historic (never)
"This is an historic occasion," intoned Senator Pfogbottom.
"I don't care to listen to this windbag," said the cynical reporter. "I think I'll go to McDonald's for an hamburger."
. . . When the aitch (h) is silent, as in honor and hour, use the article an. When the aitch is pronounced, as in house, hamburger, history, and historical, use the article a. (33)
'A/an historic, usage'
http://www.betterwritingskills.com/tip-w005.html
http://grammartips.homestead.com/historical.html
'Holed up' - this one is worth reading.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=holed%20up
I realize that I am likely far behind the curve in my listing of memes. Those of you lobbing some of this crap over from the 'left coast', just simmer down. Yours will get to us eventually.
Let's close with a demonstration of how to dress up the crack whore of trite pleasantries with something that makes the vector feel that they are doing their part. Must I stumble through the cumbersome, 'Have a bless-ed day' or can I count on readers to receive a slightly toned down exchange?
With a little cooperation and tolerance, I propose that we might blend the oil and water of meme pools THUSLY:
'Have a blessed one.'
'I know, right?'
***
Designated meme receptical in list form:
Does that makes sense? - Some people feel the need to punctuate everything they say with 'does that make sense? in order to enslave the listener and make them their child. As soon as they establish the pattern in their speech, I stop responding and I might stop listening altogether. That makes sense to me.
Living my best life - I see this appearing everywhere on social media, like any of these phrases that get appropriated by the entire world, it becomes meaningless and pretentious. It's the update to 'Live Laugh Love' or 'Work hard, play harder', one of those platitudes you see plastered up on a wall over the couch when someone is trying to short sale their shitty townhouse. Urban dictionary recognizes how annoying it is. Here's a song to put it in perspective from Snoop Dog and some other homies I don't recognize because I'm an old, out of touch honky https://youtu.be/QFFdSR6U_kc.
it's been a minute - sometimes a minute feels like an eternity, especially around those who are desperate enough to sound clever at the expense of being original.
epic - maybe this one's on it's way out, but it still sucks.
no worries - more hipster, smugness attempting to sound more sophisticated, worldly, in control, calm and cool, all the things hipsters wish to project.
I really enjoy checking urban dictionary for these phrases - helps me know I'm not alone - see comment 11:
"In USA, a flippant expression, almost always spoken by people who are insecure, as a way to quickly both end the conversation, and demean the other person by making it seem as though they were worried, when they were not. A top-down mentality, to belittle someone, from people of vast insensitivity. Should be banished immediately."
hot mess - enough of this, please. You're old and dry.
but, I digress - While you're at it, why don't you do us all a favor and drop dead
a certain je ne sais quoi, and quid pro quo can both take a hike
boo-yah - thank God, this seems to have fallen out of vogue, but I'll bet it's lurking somewhere
golden (as in "you're golden" i.e. situated or optimal condition) - trust fund hippies love this one
all the trimmings (this is really just an idiom, but it gets on my nerves, and not just at Thanksgiving)
uber - put it back in your man purse, roll up a pants leg and courier yourself elsewhere
proverbial - Not that I can think of a better substitute, but it's overused, and typically those who use it wear it like a badge. Better to just not use it at all. Combined with the quote marks in the air, we have a complete snap shot. Probably the same person who would dish out 'anywho' a lot and think they are funny, hip, and original.
snarky - the word itself is almost self referencing. Apparently a combination of 'snide' + 'remark' = snark, which puts the word somewhere on the same level as 'shart'. I must admit, for a minute there I was almost convinced snark was a real word. I concluded snarkasm, snarkastic and snarkaholic on my own, but turns out I'm not the first.
girls night out / man-cave: these two go great together. The willingness to relegate ourselves to the role poles in the most stereotypical ways. How can we live in such a politically correct society that is so fast to adopt these kinds of terms for gender-based tendencies? Men can have a home office, and so can women. Can't women and men can both go out with their friends without dubbing it some kind of title? And, shouldn't it be 'Woman's night out'? If a guy decided to start labeling his wife's social outings as 'Girl's Night Out', it wouldn't fly, kind of like the monopoly blacks maintain on the 'N' word. Although I hear that license has been extended to people of all races under a certain age, along with the right to posting selfies. Is the logic that they don't know any better, thereby rendering the act innocuous, or is it that they are so in the know and qualified to handle these dangerous goods? As for the aforementioned terms, this is how couples identify their need to preserve their identities without feeling threatened when they aren't spending time together.
endoplasmic reticulum - just kidding
best (insert anything here) ever - see snarky, and see what I mean. Conspicuous in the Awesome movement
have a great day - especially when used in voice messaging. Some people seem to think this conveys an air of professional courtesy, and I hear it a lot. Just send flowers if you care so much. Have a nice day has been lampooned for decades, so how has have a great day made it this far? By the time I've waited through enough rings to reach a voice message, I don't want to hear long, obligatory instructions about what I'm supposed to do, unless there's another number I can try. But, then, to finish off with 'have a great day'? I'm really surprised at who complies to this convention. I suspect it's control freaks who cast the wide safety net of have a great day. I even encountered one person who went above and beyond to say 'make it a great day'. When I hear 'have a great day' in an answering message, if I know the person, I sometimes let them know in my message that I am, in fact, having a great day, and this is the same line of thinking that caused me to leave Facebook, for fear of alienating a lot of people by mocking their projections of home dining choices, curling up on the couch with coffee and a book, or deep lyric quotes. Upon reflection, 'have a good one' or 'have a blessed day' are almost from another planet, or at least from another socioeconomic status. Ahhh!
Bless you - say this to me once, and I'll go along with it. But, say it with each sneeze and I might get claustrophobic and start swinging. Relax, demons will not enter my body if I sneeze and noone is around to say 'Bless you'. If I'm wrong, this is nothing that can't be solved with a phone app and a microchip implanted into our skulls.
Shoot me an email - I had no idea that email was such an action sport.
Made/makes me smile - an awkward attempt at sentimentality, but ick, the phrase gets passed around like a nasty chapstick. In response to a joke, it can be a little smug. Smile? Oh, well, I was hoping you'd piss your pants.
Oh, and... I'm seeing this used a lot in job postings. Rather than the usual, long list of requirements, recruiters are trying to sound conversational or spontaneous, I guess, and maybe adorn snark fashion as though they have a personality? Either the recruiter is challenging the would-be candidate to possess all of the above qualifications to join the ranks of their elite company, or they are trying to sell the job by making it sound generous, as though saying 'but wait, there's more' like they're selling a Ronco product. It typically reads like: 'Must be fabulous. Oh, and did I mention we're fabulous?' When I see such a post, I get the impression that the company culture consists of vacuous reality tv consumers who spend too much time pecking at their mobile device and L'ing-O-L on Facebook.
anywho - It's as though everyone who would otherwise quote Monty Python was disemboweled and then re-stuffed with Jim Carrey.
'try and' vs 'try to' - Maybe this is more noticeable in writing than in speech, and I found reference stating that 'try and' is an idiom/colloquialism whereas 'try to' is formal and works in any context (for those who learned to read and write?).
For me, 'try and' instantly casts the speaker and especially the would-be writer into the same herd of dipshits who pronounce 'something' as 'suh-ehn'.
Mechanically, the problem is that 'try and' separates 'try' from the stated intention, thereby setting up two intentions, and also suggests a guaranteed outcome while casting the object of 'try' into oblivion. For example, to say 'I will try to remember' links effort - try - to the infinitive form of the verb - to remember. 'I will try and remember' suggests that 'I will try' and 'I will remember'. Wait, try what? Did someone put out a Whitman's sampler in front of you as a memory enhancer? 'Try to' guides effort towards the stated target - 'to remember'.
Let's concoct a context. Someone asks when you last ate pizza. You respond, "I'm trying to remember" as you are thinking. Then, they ask you to send an email when you remember, and you say "I'll try to remember".
If your over-eager, braggadocious street phrase toolbox contains only 'try and...', you'll be wallowing in your present tense failure, confessing "I'm trying and not remembering" or more pathetically "I'm trying...", so ashamed you can't complete the sentence. Just fast forward to your inevitable memory failure in the future tense so you can employ that one-trick pony "I'll try and remember". You dumb ass.
find funny - more an idiom, but at least I must call to question some pretense in the insistance upon 'I find that funny...I don't find that funny'. These days, I guess 'that's funny' is just too dogmatic for our sensitive society, or maybe the slightly apologetic 'I think that's funny' is just too Casual Friday. We have to put on our little owl glasses and 'find it funny' or 'find it offensive'. When I pulled back the drapes, there it was. I found it. And then, I LOL'd.
lovely - unless she's British, any woman who says 'lovely' is probably reading way too many pulp romance novels.
Sarcastic usage, though somewhat unoriginal, is reasonably appreciated:
OBGYN: "Miss Johnson, I'm afraid you have a yeast infection."
Miss Johnson: "Oh, lovely."
...as opposed to:
OBGYN: "Miss Johnson, you have a lovely yeast infection."
Miss Johnson: "Try and get rid of it. Anywho..."
Corporate memes
delight the customer - Should I utilize my hand with some lotion and an old tube sock? I'm pretty sure that would be a great utilizer experience. I know would be delighted.
lean into - Maybe it's an effective analogy, but it's leaning into my nerves.
at the end of the day - "Oh! You're so in control! You determiner of everyone's fate."
level set - ...deez nutz on your chin.
move the needle - The only needle I see you moving is your ding-a-ling with a pair of tweezers.
pivot - I can't wait for society to pivot to something less annoying. Until then, all you jargonauts can sit and pivot on a bicycle without a seat.
caveat - Just when I'm feeling enthused, the speaker announces there's a caveat. I can live with whatever caveat, but if you run 'caveat' up your flagpole every time we talk, I'll start carrying a confetti cannon.
having said that - See caveat. Allows the speaker to waste more of the listener's time.
in a timely manner - If I hear this one more time, my anus is going pucker into a black hole and vacuum up all matter in the universe. Not all at once, but certainly in a timely manner. Try 'promptly' or 'immediately'.
fair enough - Middle management loves this one, especially when a direct report bucks their micromanagement by being right.
nonetheless (a legitimate expression, but in the hands of the wrong idiot, it becomes a weapon).
From the same people who say "the proverbial..." while gesturing quote marks.
frankly - I appreciate the candor, but anyone who says 'frankly' with a straight face probably has a mustache, tennis shoes, and a red tie with a big yellow M.
Frankly, I would like fries with that.
Let's dive in - Every wanna-be siren begins their spiel with this same phrase, along with 'You see...' before every explanation. Check their LinkedIn profile to cringe at their 'Servant-leader' or 'Storyteller' headline self-aggrandizement. Tell YOUR OWN STORY in YOUR OWN WORDS, fuckers. Hopefully, they all dive into quicksand and are never heard from again.
At scale - God never told Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful, at scale." Nor did he tell Eve to utilize Adam's seed.
Jargon I'm guilty of using
After searching for some comparisons, here's an extraction of buzzwords:
Bandwidth - beaten into me as a designer
Boil the ocean - because I'm naive, idealistic, and damn determined to do things the hard way.
Break down silos - my favorite way to ruin surprises in an enterprise environment
Drill down - I learned this one from one of my favorite devs. It's what to do when I'm not breaking down silos.
Herding cats - i.e. dealing with Legal. It's the reason to run an HOA with only a board of three.
Hot-desking - because I hate this practice enough to know it by name.
In the weeds - because I grew up working in restaurants.
Low-hanging fruit - because you can't boil the ocean, but you can steam your underwear.
Move the goalposts - When I was 18, I voted as Democrat to support education and stay out of war.
Back when liberals were peaceful. And giant, pickle-nosed men who dressed as women and walked around at the mall were known as transvestites.
Pain point - string enough of these together and you're ready to boil the ocean or hop for low-hanging fruit.
Put out a fire - I don't say this, but I accept it's usually why my boss isn't available.
I appreciate the implied heroism because it means they, too, are miserable and want to be admired.
Reinvent the wheel - because I hope to bask in the glory of originality.
Run the numbers - because I'll trust someone else can do that, and then guess if I should believe them.
Gesture Memes
I've opened a can of worms here.
The act of snorting when laughing - I realize that most people might regard this phenomenon as an involuntary act or parasympathetic accompaniment, and at first glance it's perhaps endearing and comical. However, I recently encountered one who snorts while laughing with abandon and later spoke of it openly and with pride, justifying it as a sign of their intellect.
I have witnessed the same unapologetic snortering before, and I can only conclude that either they truly cannot control their snorting, that their parents might have told them it's a sign of intelligence, OR that snorting while laughing is a learned affectation that they choose to embrace and flaunt to deliberately project eccentricity.
I immediately think of the Tappet brothers from Car Talk on NPR, who are both funny and smart snort-laughers. I don't think I've ever heard either of them say 'I know, right', but it's been a while since I listened.
Maybe I'm being unfair, but my tendency is to associate it with people who want not only to be perceived as intelligent but possibly as a chip on the shoulder, as though to say, 'I snort when I laugh and I don't care what you think about me' or 'If you really love me, you'll continue to accept me even though I snort when I laugh'.
I'm not saying that people can't accidentally snort when laughing, but when it's chronic, I suspect that someone either had a competitive sibling rivalry or that their parents passed it down as a family party trick. Much like being locked in a car on a road trip with someone's smelly feet. When it morphs into a fart-laugh, it's time to break out Frankly.
The Ernie laugh - Cover your front teeth, hunch your shoulders, bobble your head, and march in circles while continually coughing up fur balls.
The fist bump - I've waxed on about the fist bump in another entry.
Chin pose - "You know, to be ahness wichoo" - This one made a mark on me when a guy delivered my washing machine, and now, to be ahness wichoo, I can't stop using it. I'm including this one under gestures because the expression goes best with the chin pose.
